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Nothing Is Lost

by Amber Dust

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kylejoseph thumbnail
kylejoseph It's just really good man Favorite track: Nothing Is Lost.
cbjones thumbnail
cbjones Man this album...
Zach Kelly-Onett
Zach Kelly-Onett thumbnail
Zach Kelly-Onett An incredible release. The autobiographical nature of the material is presented in such a unique and intimate way. Favorite track: Nothing Is Lost.
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What I need, I'm not able to borrow can't exchange, what can't be held in hand if my memory serves me, I considered us woven together but was the bond, as brittle as the leaves? We'll all be waiting at the edge of the grass, come on Or maybe talking on the hill near the road, come on we'll kick some field goals between the trees while there's time... we filled the gaps with offerings of devotion along with heat, the smell of burning dust and assembling for whatever reason, we built our own meaning in an age, where distance did contain I'm feeling lifted by the sound of a phone, come on eagerly waiting, with a space set aside, come on we'll land some flips on the trampoline while there's time... Barely awake, sinking into the floor, hold on melodies creeping, from the edge of the room, hold on I'm thinking now I never told you enough And now I'm here 20 something years removed and sifting through this evidence of us lost within the image of the rooms we're in and chasing threads connecting what we were to what we are hindsight leaves me weak
Tethered 03:15
It seems easier for them drifting in and out again From the warmest clutch, of familiar lines There's resistance there for me to pull away from printed scenes or the sweetest hiss, of the playback a vastly different impression is left behind a conflict of colors, and hues, misaligned unsure of what solutions I'd find all I know... I leave a little more of me behind silently envying the rest as they casually display the ability to summon up all their histories Without a hint of hanging sorrow or a somber train of thought for me, it stings a little more than you'd expect it to with low expectations, it seems absurd the line between versions is hopelessly blurred and what had once settled, is stirred all I know... I return with less than what I carried through a vastly different impression is left behind a conflict of colors, and hues, misaligned unsure of what solutions I'd find all I know... I leave a little more of me...
I throw the curtain open every movement done decisively I feel the wave of air, whether good or bad your response is just what I wanted I feel the ropes on my back as the lights hit my face this whole sequence, feels strikingly similar to the last time it's hard to feel like there's an absence here when everything feels a bit distant every step each seemingly natural movement catastrophic crashes to the concrete your reaction is just what I intended I successfully seize your attention aggravated, yet magnetically drawn this whole sequence, feels strikingly similar to the last time people wonder why you stick around I guess you don't want to miss it, when I get what's coming every morning is a comedown and now I'm left ragged from the runaround
the land that now surrounds us is making me weak each past event is piling on me not much is said but I'm still a wreck and sliding into view multiple points of significance countless creations that bear both our names a second of stillness that hangs in the car release what little grip I might have and for once it felt justified In searching for clarity Or untangling the strings I would not even hesitate In condemning today
A Still Life 04:16
It's taking far too long To build a shelter for our flawless plans It starts to turn out wrong it's fraught with weakness, and jagged edges With anchors firmly set what will we gain from the land that surrounds us? When needs begin to change Will we find we've encased ourselves? Now we can't contain it chaos from releasing first, we gotta pin it down Now can we agree on what's come into focus or are there discrepancies It's taken far too long To come to terms with my lack of direction Progress is being made give me a few more lifetimes, I'll be fine As we stand motionless there's an abundance of light radiating it's mostly sent by you it goes unnoticed that I am mostly taking Can we start chipping chisels on the wall like cellmates thinking far ahead But if we do start over realize this transition maybe we'll understand what we're leaving buried for now we're trudging on within these lines that we've drawn (while life moves past at high speed) the cause is held within can't blame the places I've been (while life moves past at high speed) for now we're trudging on within these lines that we've drawn (while things fly past at high speed) to move without regret, without having moved yet Still, we can't contain it chaos from releasing first, we gotta pin it down
proposals starting to take shape an expedition into the obscure we spill out into the landscape assessing what we could endure stretching several miles around, adopting this terrain abandoned, through indifference, and yet it still sustains yeah, the worst torrential rain could never drive us out, or weaken our resolve yeah, the only thing that could were the coming years... A split among the collective Between the daring, and the more serene some differences in perspective indications of a future scene slipping into apathy, unaware of what it does If it weren't for the fireflies, I'd never know how dark it was please, just shout from where you are, and pull me to a path, a beacon in the haze please, I'll leap from wherever I am, ankles be damned I think it's kind of pathetic what posturing can tear apart maintaining certain aesthetics overshadowing a hopeful start a slow decay from absences, a fraying of the strings If it weren't for reflections I'd never see the state of things Yeah, you'd figure that by now, it's safer to ignore, the distant whispering Yeah, I can't keep myself from circling trying to reconcile
now it's getting late I'm still pacing the room with the phone held too tight to my ear as I listen intently I just might wear a groove in this carpet needlessly fidgeting with every object that happens to be within reach to distract from the gravity this whole thing is a pretty big deal for me constantly filled with some shimmering pulse that I've since learned was just nothing more than youthful exuberance and a focus for my own obsessiveness and I'm sure, when I hang up the phone I'll be rushing to get in front of my PC just to see if you're on now that all rationality's gone a moment a pause in the noise standing with one side set alight with color and sensing that maybe right now this is the pinnacle of all that comes from this so just for now.. maybe for now.... debating with myself whether every interaction with you was necessary or one massive waste of valuable time because with this perspective I'm grieving for the seconds I misused
nestled in the tree line a haven sits alone, removed from all a solitary window but there's simply little need for looking out just finding a space on that familiar floor that closeness is just what I'm aching for quiet, as the stereo screams lying flat-backed down in a covered pickup, stowed away fading in and out straddling the border of conscious I'm grateful for the evidence a notebook of our musings an inadvertent roadmap equipped with fresh ambition Bends weaving in long embedded details you'll never know, how crucial your timing was these perfect examples of solitude breeding sentiment Fighting sleep, to conserve every minute it's a shame to waste any single frame that's offered to me and while my eyes may burn, they're not preventing me from noticing the way you've tempered what I see Climbing up the fire escape, escaping into your room
Focus 06:03
it's a lot like in the movies boiling over with old cliché's, and narrative's past their prime and both extremes are proven true but I'd prefer to follow you, and keep the path scouted a task that's taken on with reservations impossible to equal this ideal but I find, you're my constant focus all the time always steal the spotlight in my mind taken with a love that I won't hide in pondering this scene it's clear, that there's a kind of inconsistency but it's alright, I'll keep my head down, I won't ask why you've got some innate ability to pull from better sources, despite the circumstance interacting very carefully and masking certain parts of me that could cloud your clarity steadily excelling where I lack erasing the desire to wander back and I find you're my constant focus all the time always steal the spotlight in my mind taken with a love that I won't hide sketches that were indistinct, have sharpened since you've been around and it's alright, I'll keep my head down, I won't ask why but I find you're my constant focus all the time always steal the spotlight in my mind taken with a love that I won't hide when left alone, still worrying if I can manage the uncertainty but it's alright, I'll keep my head down, I won't ask why
Ever-present 04:58
packed into chairs side by side funneled into this welcome glow but in our minds we're riding waves freeing ourselves from the ordinary we were passing through the field in the expanse behind your house I had figured at the time this was all I'd ever need taking up arms against the snow it's strange to be freezing, yet sweating impossible odds wont scare us off our power has yet to be realized with our hands soaked to the bone we are undeterred I'm awash in light as I stand beneath the power lines in victory fabricated wilderness an occasional stab at the quiet a willful isolation partly wishing for permanence a timid face across the room with your name on full display gently guided towards happenstance like a sail hit by the wind vital moments taking shape when I was seven didn't know it at the time, but this was all I'd ever need....
I wake up to the click of the door the angular lines of light that stretch out from the window seem intent to help soften the blow the flow of events drawn out rather plainly but there's no acceptable way to explain that a bookend has firmly been placed at the boundary of the present, and whatever remains and I'm aching for the version that's omitted now and then I am pleading for A daylight that's rewritten at some point I developed an insensitive view that memorials cause clutter and they drag our focus through a darkened lens this mindset was much more convenient for me scratching out images, and anecdotes involving you and ignoring the gaps it created, and attachments vacated and I took pride in the perception of strength but it's a lie I kept up to avoid conversations about how I felt or what's missing or what damage might be done as I filtered through these moments I saw monuments to those essential few, who made things meaningful maybe this is just a form of paying respects in the only way that feels lasting to me and I wonder if these contributions are a desperate attempt to leave something of me behind but as painful as it's been to hear these reminders I still feel compelled to carry them along tucked away like a keepsake that I can let myself tumble down into and believe for a second that it's all still within reach


All audio samples taken from my personal collection of cassettes, spanning from approximately 1985 to 2000. The voices captured are those of myself, my family, and my closest friends.
The bulk of these songs are written for (and to) those wonderful people.
The rest are about trying my best to pass the time when they weren't around.

What started as the simple task of converting a bunch of old cassette tapes to digital format, evolved into something else entirely. The audio that I'd rediscovered had reminded me of people, events, and relationships that were pivotal, and was worthy of a bit more love and care. The subjects deserved to be documented.

This album serves as a basic overview of my life, for whoever wants to hear it, I guess. Your life and your story are just as complex and interesting, possibly much more so.
I'd like you to hear mine. Does it remind you of something about yours?
Maybe the whole point of this album is for us to think about whether we are holding on to our past too tightly, or if we are purposefully abandoning it , in lieu of focusing completely on the future?
That balance is tricky. I wish we could somehow manage the best of both.

Anyways, I hope it does SOMETHING positive for you.
If you like it, please reach out. I will undoubtedly respond.

- JN


released March 26, 2021

Words and music written and performed by Jesse Nickerson.
Saxophone on "Focus" by Eric Klaxton.
Mixed and Mastered by Jim Bob Aiken.


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Amber Dust Sandown, New Hampshire

Solo singer songwriter from southern NH.

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